In our marriages we need to know how to fight. And I'm not talking about a marriage counselor's usual advice on knowing how to work through disagreement. That's valuable information, but what I would like to discuss here this week is knowing how to fight the spiritual battles in marriage - how to fight the Enemy who is the real enemy of marriage.
Satan hates vibrant, healthy, stable, loving Christian marriages. He will do everything in his power to destroy every one he can. Don't think that he won't target you, and it won't happen to your marriage. I never dreamed that he would have been able to wreak the havoc in our marriage that he did. It's too long a story to go into in a blog, but he came in through a loop hole in our marriage and nearly destroyed it. If we hadn't believed God's Word more than our emotions and desires, we would have been a divorce statistic.
God's Word is the first weapon in fighting the Enemy in your marriage. It is essential that we establish the fact that God's Word is the standard for our marriage - not our friends' well-meaning advice, the marriage counselor's instructions (although they may be good), Hollywood or romance novels. George Barna's group has revealed that even among born-again believers, only 40% consult the Bible when making important moral or ethical decisions. Have we completely lost our minds? God's Word should be the final authority for our lives, our marriages and our decision making.
My husband received counsel during our marital upheaval from a godly well-meaning head of a large ministry to go home and just ask me, "Well, do you want a divorce?" Which he did.
I refused to answer him. If I had followed the course of my emotions or friends' advice, I would have said, "Yes." But I simply could not. My commitment to Jesus and our daughters took priority over my own personal desires.
I'm so glad that my husband and I stood on the solid rock when we hit bottom. It stayed solid and sure, and we weathered the storm. You can too.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
31 WAYS TO MESS UP YOUR MARRIAGE - #28 - FAILURE TO RECOGNIZE THE ENEMY
We're going to take a turn for the last few posts. The real enemy of marriages is the Enemy. So many - no, I would say - the majority of couples who are experiencing marital problems don't really acknowledge nor deal with the fact that Satan is doing everything in his power to destroy their marriage.
Marriage as God intended it is to reflect his image. It is to be a picture of Christ and his Bride, the Church. Satan's ultimate enemy, second only to Jesus himself, is a godly marriage, home and family. He targets the relationship that is supposed to be a covenant relationship, never to be broken, and brings in distractions and temptations that even the strongest find difficult to resist. That's why we see so many pastors fall. That's why the divorce rate, even in the church is basically the same as in secular society. We don't acknowledge that we are in a battle, a spiritual battle, for our marriages, and we must stand up and fight for them.
We'll discuss more next week about how to deal with the Enemy, but there was a time that my husband and I had to fight for our marriage. Emotionally, we didn't really want to. We didn't really know how to. But God's word was stronger in reality to us than our own emotions, and we fought. It took us years. We lost some battles, but we won the war. This spring we will be married 50 years. We are more in love than ever. It's worth the fight.
Marriage as God intended it is to reflect his image. It is to be a picture of Christ and his Bride, the Church. Satan's ultimate enemy, second only to Jesus himself, is a godly marriage, home and family. He targets the relationship that is supposed to be a covenant relationship, never to be broken, and brings in distractions and temptations that even the strongest find difficult to resist. That's why we see so many pastors fall. That's why the divorce rate, even in the church is basically the same as in secular society. We don't acknowledge that we are in a battle, a spiritual battle, for our marriages, and we must stand up and fight for them.
We'll discuss more next week about how to deal with the Enemy, but there was a time that my husband and I had to fight for our marriage. Emotionally, we didn't really want to. We didn't really know how to. But God's word was stronger in reality to us than our own emotions, and we fought. It took us years. We lost some battles, but we won the war. This spring we will be married 50 years. We are more in love than ever. It's worth the fight.
Friday, January 6, 2012
31 WAYS TO MESS UP YOUR MARRIAGE - #27 - PROBLEMS WITH IN-LAWS
I'll have to admit that I have very little personal experience with in-law problems. My husband's parents were wonderful parents and equally wonderful in-laws. My husband grew up in the ideal home environment - lots of love, laughter, acceptance and most importantly, a household that honored and followed Jesus. Do you remember "Leave It To Beaver?" Or "Ozzie and Harriet?" Well, that was how my husband grew up. For that reason, I never have thought mother-in-law jokes were funny. The main in-law problems I had were due to trying to live up to the example they presented!
One of the stresses in the in-law situation, particularly the husband's mother, is that she may feel she is being replaced and not loved as much anymore. It is up to her son (your husband) to reassure her that she is just as loved. Her role has simply shifted. Daughters are better at conveying that reassurance to their parents than men seem to be, so help your husband out here and encourage him to do so.
My favorite philosopher, Dr. Phil, urges his clients to own the responsibility for their respective parents. And I think this is a good rule-of-thumb. A husband should not allow his mother or father to disparage or criticize his spouse -- and should speak up if they do. A wife should not allow her parents to run her husband down -- and should confront the issue if they should do so.
Problems with in-laws can become very complicated but as with all relationships, the bottom line is to love them - in spite of faults and shortcomings. Sometimes a relationship -- not just with in-laws but with all relationships -- can become toxic. That goes to another level and may need professional help or at times separation for the good of the family as a whole. Those situations are rare. For most, a good relationship with the in-laws will require some sacrifice, much love and understanding.
Why not write a note to your in-laws thanking them for raising such a fabulous child -- who is now your husband/wife? That would go a long way towards mellowing the heart of your in-laws. Jesus really meant it when he told us to love one another -- and that includes in-laws.
One of the stresses in the in-law situation, particularly the husband's mother, is that she may feel she is being replaced and not loved as much anymore. It is up to her son (your husband) to reassure her that she is just as loved. Her role has simply shifted. Daughters are better at conveying that reassurance to their parents than men seem to be, so help your husband out here and encourage him to do so.
My favorite philosopher, Dr. Phil, urges his clients to own the responsibility for their respective parents. And I think this is a good rule-of-thumb. A husband should not allow his mother or father to disparage or criticize his spouse -- and should speak up if they do. A wife should not allow her parents to run her husband down -- and should confront the issue if they should do so.
Problems with in-laws can become very complicated but as with all relationships, the bottom line is to love them - in spite of faults and shortcomings. Sometimes a relationship -- not just with in-laws but with all relationships -- can become toxic. That goes to another level and may need professional help or at times separation for the good of the family as a whole. Those situations are rare. For most, a good relationship with the in-laws will require some sacrifice, much love and understanding.
Why not write a note to your in-laws thanking them for raising such a fabulous child -- who is now your husband/wife? That would go a long way towards mellowing the heart of your in-laws. Jesus really meant it when he told us to love one another -- and that includes in-laws.
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