Friday, February 10, 2012


Blaine and I are facilitating the marriage series "Love & Respect" at our church for the next few weeks. Dr. Emerson Eggerich is excellent in his presentation and peppers his talks with pithy sayings and humor. One thing he says that has stuck with me is: "We don't lack ability; we lack incentive." I have found that to be true, usually on the part of one of the partners.

When a marriage gets in trouble, it is not uncommon for one of the partners to be very interested in going to counseling and working on the marriage. That partner usually wants the counselor to "fix" their spouse. The couple sit in our office with one partner sitting on the edge of the chair, and the other sitting back with a stoic expression on his/her face. There is little or no incentive on the part of the disengaged partner.

I think that happens for a couple of reasons -- one being the issues have probably gone on so long that partner doesn't think there is any hope. Secondly, sometimes the disengaged partner is just that - disengaged - and has no incentive to try to reconnect.

In the popular movie, "Top Gun," the fighter pilot, Maverick, is on a mission, but fear takes over and he hesitates to face the enemy. His colleagues shout at him, "Engage, Maverick! Engage!" as the enemy comes closer and closer to destroying them. Finally he snaps out of it and completes his mission. He didn't lack the ability. He lacked the incentive.

 As we close this series, I just want to encourage you all by saying that you have the ability to work through your marriage issues. God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind. We don't lack ability; we lack incentive. Grab hold of the promises of God and engage the enemy on behalf of your marriage. And having done all, stand!

This is the last blog in this series. I hope it has been helpful. If so, please let me know either by
leaving a comment or sending me an email. I'd love to hear from you. I pray your marriages will be a light set on a hill in your community. Blessings!

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