I suppose everyone would agree that learning to communicate as husband and wife is a major component of a good, healthy marriage. Some of the difficulties in communication lie in the male/female differences. And some of them lie in personality differences. Learning to communicate to try to understand one's mate -- not to win an argument or prove a point -- is a major step toward closing that communication gap.
There are five levels of communication that we move through when we interact with each other:
- Cliché - This is the barest level of interacting with another. This is the "How are you? Fine" level. You really find out nothing about the other person, nor were you expecting to do so. Some people never learn to move beyond this level.
- Facts - At this level, you discover a little more, but not much. "How are you? Fine, but I'm really hungry."
-
Opinions - At the opinion level we begin to delve a little deeper. "How are you? Fine, but I'm really hungry. I'd like to go out to eat."
Feelings - Here we begin to know more about the person. "How are you? Fine, but I'm really hungry. I'd like to go out to eat, but something I found out is troubling me."
-
Needs/Values - At this point the person reveals, verbally and non-verbally, some of their deeper thoughts, needs. The person may go on to reveal that he just received a bad report at the doctor, and he's scared. Or that a friend has passed away, and he is sad. Or that his business partner has betrayed him, and he's mad. Now the spouse needs to be able to communicate his vulnerability and what he needs ... a hug, help, to go to the pastor, etc.
Until one learns to communicate on the 5th level, neither spouse is truly able to know and understand their partner.
Here are some steps to Good Communication:
Recognize differences and build on each other's strengths.
Find time to talk – listen and don’t attack. Anger shuts communication down.
-
Admit when you are wrong and apologize.
Encourage and praise one another.
Work at growing spiritually – individually and together.
Good communication takes mutual effort and time, but will pay huge dividends as the years go by.
Love your "steps to good communication." Good communication has saved our marriage in tough times.
ReplyDeleteHi Golden, Differences in communication styles is probably the biggest problem my husband & I have had to deal with in our time together. I'm a communicator, he avoids 'real' communication when possible. I, too am a certified Christian counselor but you just cannot counsel your own marriage and husband. LOL Enjoying your series!
ReplyDelete