Thursday, July 21, 2011

31 WAYS TO MESS UP YOUR MARRIAGE - #5 - SECRETS

“I need to talk to you.”  I was resting comfortably in our bedroom.  My husband of thirty-five years sat down on the edge of the bed, and I knew from the serious look on his face that something was terribly wrong.  My mother’s heart began to pound, fearing a tragedy in our family. 

“What’s wrong?”

“This isn’t going to be easy – and it is going to be painful.”
I waited.
“I have kept a secret from you all these years - and I feel it has kept me from being completely open, honest and free toward you.  I want to break the power this secret has held over me – and us.” 
He paused, sighed, looked down and then began.  The words came slowly as he told me that he lied to me during our engagement about an issue of importance. I was totally shocked.  I was devastated.  I felt betrayed - and I was angry. 
It took us a few weeks, but we worked through it and our marriage is all the stronger for it now.

Dr. Claudia Black writes in Psychology Today that a secret is only information, but it's what the family does to conceal that information that is so harmful. Once a secret is in the open, there will most probably be hurt in the beginning, but it no longer holds power over you after that.

From the spiritual perspective, when we keep a secret, thus not being transparent with our spouse, we give the enemy a opening into our lives, because we are living a lie. It compounds into more lies, deceit, and cover-ups.

When we do pre-marital counseling now, we explore this area to make sure there are no secrets on either side so that the couple can enter the marriage relationship clean and free. The enemy will whisper to you that it was so long ago, forgotten, behind you. It won't do any good to stir that up anymore. He's a liar. Let me encourage you to consider revealing any secrets you might have hidden away in a dark closet of your heart from your spouse. Do it with much love and discretion. But have the moral and spiritual courage to put an end to the crippling effects of a secret. Put it under the cleansing blood of Jesus and let him wash it away.

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